Cooking With The Cullens
by XxforgetmeknotxX
Summary: Carlisle decides to make a cooking show. What could go wrong...?
1. Cooking Class

"I want to cook!!" said Carlisle.

"But Carlisle, we don't eat. "Said Esme.

"Good idea Carlisle, go follow your dreams!" Edward announced.

"I will "said Carlisle with such dignity it made every female and a few males within a 50 mile radius fait.

- - -

Three seconds later...

"Hello, and welcome to cooking class 101."said the cooking guy

Carlisle sat up straight in his seat attempting to be a good student. He had the strangest smile on his face that was kind of scaring the teacher.

_"What the heck is this guy doing? is he like gay or something?!" _Thought the teacher.

"Now, we are going to start todays session." the teacher said, giving a worried look towards Carlisle, who only smiled brighter.

The teacher then brought out a knife and a tomato. He then carefully started to cut the tomato."The trick to tomato cutting is- Ow!!" the teacher exclaimed as he accidentally sliced his hand

open. blood was gushing out from his hand. "OW MY --ING HAND!!" the teacher screamed as Emmett leap forward like a ballerina in an attempt to stop Jasper from attacking the teacher,

and every other being in the facility.

Carlisle put on a frightened, but puzzled face.

Luckily, he did stop him, and no one was hurt, except for Carlisle, who suffered a severe blow to the head, and plummeted to the ground, and was not able to resume duty saving the poor

cooking instructor from a severe hand infection.

The blow left a rather large dent in Carlisle's head, but not as big as the one in his heart from not being able to rescue the poor man from Emmetts super powerful ballerina powers, which were so

powerful that it actually killed the man.

After the death of the cooking instructor, whom no one knew, the National Institution for Cooking or NIC hired a new teacher: Miss Plumly. Carlisle, Edward, Emmett and Jasper all found her

flirting with them to be slightly disturbing, so they left to make their own cooking show...--

This is my 1st ff so it might not be very good, but I'm writing it with my friend so it will be ok. This chapter isn't very good but later chapters might be a little funnier. R&R thanks

-gh


	2. This here Sprite!

OK chapter 2!! I'll try to update as fast as possible. Thanks for reading this!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

Carlisle was ecstatic. Today was the first day of his cooking show. Jasper was his guest/ co host today. He walked around the house in the same path he had been in for the past 9 hours until it was time to go. The ride over to the studio was short considering his illegally fast driving that looked like those teenagers taking driving test you see on the news every now and then.

Finally, he and the rest of the Cullens arrived at the place where the cooking show was to be filmed. Carlisle hurried up the stairs to the stage like Emmett when he was a ballerina. The overwhelming joy coming from him was making Jasper a little to giddy which could result in a problem later, but Carlisle tried to ignore it and the fact that Jasper bouncing up and down next to him.

At last the moment had arrived; it was time for the cooking show! "Hello and Welcome To….Cooking With the Cullens!" The announcer guy whom no one cared enough to give him a name said. There were a few cheers and whistles from the audience before Carlisle began. "Hello I am Carlisle Cullen, and welcome to my cooking show." Carlisle said barely able to contain his excitement. "Today we are going to begin by making a Sprite float, we were all out of root bear…" he said look at Edward and Emmett who hiccupped.

"Now Jasper bring out the Sprite!" yelled even though they all had super hearing and Jasper was standing two feet away from him.

"Sure thang Carlisle!" Jasper said in a heavy southern accent. 3 seconds later jasper walked in with a giant bottle of water.

"Here ya go Carlisle! Straight from da back of ma pick em up truck!" Jasper said slamming the water down on the table almost breaking it.

"But Jasper, that's waaaaaater." Carlisle said.

"Opps, sorry there Cman… ill go see if 'ol Eds got some in his pick em up truck." Jasper walked off to his "pick em up truck" Carlisle stood there not knowing what to do. A few moments passed and then Jasper came back.

"Yup this should be good 'nough!" Jasper said placing a large can of coke in front of Carlisle.

"But Jasper, that's cooooooke. I need Spriiiite!" Carlisle said getting annoyed with Jasper.

"Okey dokey then Carlisle! Bring 'er in boys!" Jasper exclaimed and to everyone's surprise a giant 50 gallon bottle of Sprite came in being carried by about 25 Confederate soldiers directed by Jasper who was using the flares use by people at the air port to direct planes on the runway.

"Thankee General!" Jasper said to the Confederate General leading the army.

"Any Time Jasper, Now me and the boys gotta go en get some chicken wings from Pizza Hut!" Jasper and the former war General shared a salute and the army marched out. Carlisle finally closed his mouth after the event.

"Here ya go Carlisle!" said Jasper pushing the rather large Sprite bottle into Carlisle, nearly knocking him over.

"Don't baptize yourself in dis here Sprite!" Jasper said and walked away.

"Well that's all the time we have for today hopefully youll join us next week ."

"Im Carlisle Cullen and thi-uufff!" Carlisle said as the Sprite can fell on top of him.

"Never mind.." he mumble. Next week's show couldnt be this bad he said. But sadly he was very, very wrong…

Yay! Second chapter! Sorry for the oocness and Jaspers accent. The Sprite thing happened to my cousin a few years ago. We were at this restaurant and he ordered a sprite, and the waitress came back with this HUGE Sprite and said in a southern accent "Don't baptize yourself the this here Sprite!" and gave it to him so that's where I got it from. Thanks for reading reply!!please tell me if you like it hate it or want me to change something! Thanks again


	3. Toothpickshchs

Hi this is chapter 3 if u can please review! I might not be able to update as much as I would like to because of school…..uhg….. Any way! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

_Yesterday day did not go as well as I had previously planned… oh well! _Carlisle thought. He was very disappointed in yesterdays fiasco and Jasper with his country accent and the whole "This here Sprit!" thing. It really put a damper on Carlisle spirit. Although, he decided to continue on the cooking with Edward and Bella as the new guest/ co-hosts. What could go wrong with that? After all they were pretty mature… or, at least Carlisle hoped so…

Carlisle arrived at the Cooking show studio in his parking spot, or what he liked to think was his parking spot. He then entered the building same as always, but he was slightly less filled with happiness. He kept his head up in positivity as the show started and he walked on stage.

"Hello Im Carlisle Cullen and welcome to Cooking to The Cullens!" he announced himself because the former announcer had left after going into shock from yesterdays… events. "Now," Carlisle continued, "Today our guests are Edward and Bella Cullen...Yay!" he said as the audience grumbled and there were a few lone claps and grumbles as Bella and Edward walked on stage.

"Hello, and welcome to the sho-" "Toothpickchs"(AN: ok Bella is talking kind of funny its kind of hard to describe how she is talking its sort of like how you pronounce the "Ach" in "Achmed the terrorist" I should have a video up on my profile soon of it ok back the story) Bella interrupted Carlisle. "What?" Carlisle asked. "Toothpickchs," Bella said. "Do you have any toothpickchs?" she questioned franticly. "Um… Yeah…there should be one in the trash can that I used for lunch…to clean the blo- I mean…turkey sandwich out of my teeth…hehe.." He replied nervously. "Shthank You." Bella said and went over to the trash can to get the used toothpick while Carlisle and Edward waited nervously. Bella walked over to the trashcan where the lost tooth pick was to be found. As she stared in her face changed from excitement to anger.

"Who did thishch?" she questioned looking angrily at the two men looking at her with worried expressions on their faces. "It waschs you, washitnt it Carlisle." Bella said looking Carlisle straight in the eye. "Um…Bella I-" he started "Well come on I know it washch you Carlisle. Fesshch up and no one getshchs hurt." She said looking very intimidating. "Uhh…Bella we-" "Thatshch it Carlisle prepare to die!" she said and lunged at Carlisle… "Commercial Break!!" he yelled in a high pitched shriek

Thanks for reading! Next chapter will be a short commercial. Reviews really help!

-ghX


	4. Coulda Hada V8

Hey this chapter isn't going to be as long as some of the others sorry. Just a quick commercial but I'll try to make later chapters longer. Sorry if the story isn't very funny ill try my best. Thanks! R&R!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or V8tm juice

**Commercial:**

_Aro is standing in Volturi castle, holding a dead human, his mouth dripping with blood. Bella comes over to him holding a dead rabbit. She bonks him on the head. "_Coulda had a V8tm" _she says._ "Now in new mountain lion." _She says holding up an orange and red bottle, then walked away leaving Aro astonished in her path._


End file.
